This weekend is my 25th class reunion.

The emotions that can trigger in us is mind blowing.  Not as much in looking to the past, but in how it causes us to pause and look at where we are in life now, 25 years from the day we thought we could conquer the world.

And as a female, that emotion is centered on weight.

Life’s been a little unsettled for me the past few years, and my weight was reflecting that.  But I had started to hit my stride again and was eating healthy…er.  Healthier.  Like cookie dough on the weekend, not for breakfast every day.  I was back at the gym.  Sometimes.  Then a co-worker started a weight loss challenge, and that was just the type of accountability I needed to “prepare” for the class reunion.

I signed up, and started taking control.  I planned my meals in advance.  I said no to cake and yes to greek yogurt and kale.  It was working and people were noticing.

So I kept saying no to lunches with co-workers.   To happy hours.  I was determined.The people who have aged. Who have gained weight. Who have stumbled in life.

Determined to what though?  Determined to pretend I hadn’t had some challenges in life, physically and emotionally?  To appear “perfect” to these people I grew up with, some I’ve known since before Kindergarten?

Last weekend I was sitting at a park listening to live music, and the friend next to me stood up to walk with her daughter to the ice cream store.  I had already stated when we arrived that I was telling myself no to ice cream.  But when she looked at me and said “did you want to come with?” I said yes.  Because I really did want to.  And the next day when I was on the lakeside deck at a local restaurant, I ate the nachos.  And had a cold beer.  A delicious cold beer.  Because I’m living life every day, not sacrificing every day to cram in one moment at a class reunion.

You know who I want to see at my class reunion?  The real people.  The people who have aged.  Who have gained weight.  Who have stumbled in life.  The people who help me see that life is about how we love ourselves every day.